Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Been around the world and only stupid people are breeding, the cretins cloning and feeding...

So this is why they don't like birth control. If you can't beat them, overrun them. And then beat them. (If you're not registered with NYT, use Erik_the_green, password YoureSoEmo)

Conservatives are breeding wave after wave of more conservatives to inundate the nation. The problem for us blue-staters is not that we're being politically outmanuevered, it's that we're being out-bred. This proves what we also suspected, that in a hundred years the only lefties remaining will be the Chinese.

It goes something like this: Gone are the days of hippies and love babies that replenished the ranks of the Dems. The future belongs to millions of white middle-class suburban drones with 5 kids per household. The Soccer Mom will rise again, only now she drives a humvee instead of a minivan. These people will take over the Southwest and compete with the waves of Hispanics for scarce green lawn-paint for their sprawling family complexes. The Northeast and Pacific Northwest will stagnate as shrink as the only people left there will be university professors and geeks, respectively. New York will sink into the sea because of global warming, as will California despite the best efforts of Arnold, taking their 80-odd combined electoral votes with them. Florida will also be flooded, and the Cubans will escape back to Cuba on those little rafts. The old retired refugees will take up residence in the Southeast, adding further to the already huge hick population. This leaves the Midwest, which will be left as the sole food-producing region, making us all be farmers. Eventually, we will become fed up with this and merge with Canada.

You can't deny it. I have seen all!!

When the second coming of Christ rolls around, God wil be overwhelmed with the sheer volume of Christian souls needing to be judged, and he'll have to delegate the job. The huge beauracracy he will develop to accomplish this will cause all the conservatives to turn away from Him and set up a new heaven somewhere else. Lucifer will return in the guise of Pat Robertson reborn, and will lead to their downfall. God realizes that this just isn't going to work out anymore, and abolishes all existence.

Therefore

Somebody please get those republicans some fuckin condoms

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Funny Pics

Kerry enters The Matrix


Dodge this



Monday, October 11, 2004

The Resurrection and the some-body-needs-to-get-a-Life

Ok so I just have to blog now. After my extended absense, due to start of school and other events that have distracted my attention, I find it necessary to say somethin here again. Probably on a regular basis.

Wow. A lot has happened since the last post, far too much to cover in one post. Suffice it to say that The Party has finally got it's act together, and united as we are in our hatred of Mr. Bush, we may actually have a good chance. The Kerry-Edwards has been consistently, inasmuch as the term can be applied, been consistently putting on the pressure. I could almost say that, in the first debate at least, Kerry was coming through with some serious ownage. Ownage + 50. Kudos for at least appearing to have a clear position on Iraq. We still don't know quite what it is, but check his website. In the VP debate, Edwards dropped his pom-pom and looked like a lawyer, and Cheney didn't drop an F-bomb but looked fully liable to leap from his seat and garrotte Edwards with George Bush's marionette strings. At least he managed to talk out of the front of his mouth for most of the debate. In the town-hall debate, Kerry looked to be faltering a little, but I will have to reserve further judgement until I finish watching the tape, because I was unfortunately unable to catch it live. By the way, I don't need any wood. I can only assume Shrub needs some wood. Maybe he has a little backdoor oil-for-wood program set up with the Alaskans.

In other news, I was just watching Michael Moore on the local channel, because he recently made an appearance at a nearby high school. Yes, this is what we liberals do in our spare time, when we're not ducking celebratory fire from our neighbors' newly legal assault weapons. Anyway, he is a damn funny man, even though his public speaking skills are on par with Dan Quayle. He was really getting into it, preaching to a good-sized and highly enthusiastic choir, and telling them all how republicans hate him more than Osama and Saddam combined. (At the republican convention, Michael Moore was mentioned more times than Osama and supposedly his mention got louder boos than the mention of Hussien). He had a good ad suggestion, namely "John Kerry was wounded only three times in Vietnam. If he had truly loved his country, he would have died. Vote Bush". Anyway, it being a local station with an amateur cameraman, the tape got slowed down at one point, making Mike sound like an unholy cross between Nikita Khruschev and The Governator. During this time, he said one of Bush's favorite mantras was "If you elect John Kerry, you're all going to die". And in that voice, it was about the funniest thing this side of nitrous oxide. To all you undecided voters with time and money to burn on November 1st, Fahrenhiet 9-11 is airing on pay-per-view. Personally, I think they could get more money with a Bush-Kerry smackdown. Kerry could be outfitted in his Vietnam-era uniform, Bush in his flight suit, and they could arm them with those stools that Bush kept so eagerly leaping off of in the last debate. If the foreign policy one got 62 million viewers, a WWF-styled one might surpass the Superbowl.

-Geoff out

Friday, August 20, 2004

Jesus was a bureaucrat

Or so seems to be the opinion of the Catholic Church. An 8-year old girl has had her communion declared invalid because there was no wheat in the wafer. She happens to be allergic to wheat, so she used a rice wafer, and they called her on it. What the hell is wrong with these people? I thought Catholicism was supposed to be about love and charity and burning the occasional heretic. So now they send it all the way up to the Vatican level to decide. Sounds like bureaucracy to me. I have issues with the Catholics to begin with, but this stuff is just absurd. They're holding out communion like a goddamn carrot on a stick.

-"But I want it!"
-"Can't have it."
-"But I want it!"
-"And you're in AA and you still have to drink the wine."
-"But...what the hell?"
-"And, you voted for a candidate who supports gay marriage. HA! DENIED!"
-etc

So, the overall picture we're gettin here is of a backwards, intolerant, (perverted, no less) bunch of old men who are twisting the idea of faith into knots for whatever reasons they want, And a billion people put up with this shit! If somebody hadn't got up and said somethin about it, they'd still be excommunicatin people right and left and burnin them at the stake. Now, I don't have a problem with the Catholics themselves, for the most part, any more than I have a problem with, say, Muslims or Jews. (Believe me, certain segments of all of the above are definitely getting on my nerves lately). But the leadership sucks. Ok, so that's the theological rant. Sometimes I think someone should resurrect Manicheanism, it makes about as much sense as any modern religion. As the good Edward Abbey said, "Orthodoxy is a relaxation of the mind accompanied by a stiffening of the heart."

In other news, Bill Maher is playing the role of Satan. Go Bill! I assume there are few people out there who believe that this is true calling anyway.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Surprise

Ok, so I was recently referred to George Will as a good source for the conservative perspective. So this morning, I brace myself, open the opinion page, and see "Iraq Illustrates Perils of Empire" by GW himself. Say what? Empire? This looks interesting. (I later find that the original title was the less, ah, biased "Ignoring History in Iraq".) Anyway, I started reading it, and immediately encounter comparisons to early U.S. empire-building. Annexation of the Phillipines? Mexican-American war? What? Is this George Will or Howard Zinn? At the end we even get a nod to that taboo analogy, VIETNAM! What is a conservative in his right mind doing comparing Iraq to Vietnam? That's our job! And he says the other GW could lose the election over it! Ok so that was kinda strange. That's all.

Any idea why the date and time system on this Blogger is so godawful? I have to correct it by hours every time, and it's off by some completely random and constantly differing amount. Arg.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

No way!

The Income Gap grows ever larger...

I deny it! It's all a socialist conspiracy!

Bring us a Shrubbery

George W was here. Today, right here in Traverse City. Being the first time a sitting president has deigned to visit our little corner of the country since Gerald Ford in '75, it was a big deal. Turnout somewhere around 10-12,000. I was unfortunately unable to attend, due to the event selling out several days in advance, but I caught some of it on the local news. News and transcript.
Bush emphasized the economy, and amazingly enough, he delivered today, at least for us. That's right, George W Bush has helped my family! Not through tax cuts, but because my dad was paid overtime for clearing the streets and making sure the protesters didn't get out of hand. Dubyah also noted the effectiveness of his prescription drug plan (the one whose cost he wouldn't tell us?).
On marriage, he reaffirmed his position that "We ought to be encouraging marriage in America." Really George? No shit. Maybe you should talk to some activist judges from Massachussetts about that.
More on health care, "We'll expand research to seek new cures for terrible diseases." Sure. As long as they don't involve stem cells. Bad stem cells! And "You can't be pro-doctor and pro-patient and pro-plaintiff attorney at the same time. You have to choose. My opponent made his choice, and he put him on the ticket. " Kudos, Mr. President. Remarkably witty.
On the economic difficulties, "We've overcome these obstacles because of the hard work of America's entrepreneurs and farmers and ranchers and small business owners and workers...We want our farmers not only feeding Americans, but we want them feeding hungry mouths all across the globe. Farm income is up, and one of the reasons it's up, is because of exports of agricultural products are on the rise, and I intend to keep it that way." Maybe farm income is up because you paid them 80 billion dollars in subisidies!
But nevermind that. Overall, we gotta give him some credit. He got the crowd going, he said dignity instead of dignitude, and finally got that line about loving our neighbors as we'd like to love ourselves right. Bush also gave us a new weird phrase, "rallying the armies of compassion". Yeah, you do that then.

So I guess that about covers that. Found this poem recently though, quite creative.

First Post

Welcome to The Spin Zone. On this blog, I will disseminate liberal propaganda post on topics concerning politics and current events. If by chance you should disagree with my take on these subjects you are welcome to shove it discuss them. I'd like to create a one-party socialist state atmosphere conducive to open debate and, as you might have guessed, try not to take things too seriously. That said, I'd like to thank Johnny Walker Red for inspiring this blog, though hopefully my readers won't take him to seriously either :)